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For the Guys

So, it seems I have some guys out there--more than I thought--who are regular readers? Although I was inspired to start this blog by the plights and sufferings of my fellow women at work, it's interesting that, the same week a guy friend tells me he reads my blog, I had a rather enlightening conversation with another retiree/former coworker-- also a guy.

I admit I was a little surprised by his little rant. I'm used to seeing this in the women I know who are also retired--even retired early, like me--the ONLY time you will see our busy but relaxed breed launch into these little tirades is when we talk about the workplace we left behind.

I thought, generally speaking, only women were conniving, backstabbing and gossiping? Like the proverbial kid in the corner wearing a dunce hat, I stand corrected. OK, I'm not so naive as to think that women should be credited with the majority of this behavior--it's just what we are MOST known for in the career world.

I have no suggestions for overcoming the stereotype---not without making this the longest post ever in the history of long-winded bloggers. I DO recognize, however, that maybe it would serve the guy readers well to read on, so you can have a better understanding of what your wife is going through. It's not her imagination. She's not being a drama queen--she's one of the casualties of a double-edge sword. You see, we are hard-wired for emotion. That can be a powerful thing, and a dangerous thing, as a weapon on the hands of a wicked woman, inflicted on the soft heart of another one, more vulnerable, for her innocence.

That's one of the great ironies of workplace bullying -- it's because they are women, that they are so good at tormenting women. Of course, the guys get caught between the crossed swords, too -- being clueless as to the operation of the female mind in either case.

Husbands and significant others, you can't fix this. I know the male instinct is to grab your bag of tools and try to make things right--whatever is broken, but the answer here is just to listen, be supportive, and cut us a little slack. Tell her she's wonderful, valuable, loved, cherished--you, remember, all that stuff you promised at the altar--and help her keep her chin up and and joy intact.

If you see the job starting to tear her apart, then it's time to step in and rescue her from the dragon. I'm not saying we should be encouraged to be quitters, but when the emotional and physical damage starts to outweigh the paycheck, it's time to move on. Someone will have to tell her that, so she doesn't feel like a failure. Don't tell her it's silly to feel that way; give her reasons to feel good enough about herself to overcome the battle wounds. You can be her knight in shining armor, with the hugs and reassuring words, buckets of them, to wash away the damage done by a toxic workplace.

Thanks for joining us, gentlemen--welcome to the conversation!

Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue

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