I just read a news post that absolutely did NOT astonish me--a report by NBC news that 52% of women report being bullied in the workplace. Sadly, this is higher than the teenage bullying rate (about 30%, according to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center). A sustained rate continuing through adulthood would be shameful enough, but the fact that we are more likely to experience bullying as grown-ups at work does not speak well of our upbringing, does it, ladies?
Excuse me while I get technical for a moment. I'm not a statistician, but, after many years of government work, you learn to break these things down. We can most likely account for the increase by the broadening of the definition of bullying. While physical attacks comprise a smaller section of the overall problem with adults, there are far more opportunities for psychological torment and sabotage. Ah, the sabotage! It's horrifying enough to get thrown under the bus when things don't go well, but the pressure of having to watch your back every moment, because even the things you've done right could be twisted and spun into something you never intended--all because of jealousy, insecurity, or just plain meanness. We did not leave all the mean girls behind in high school. Many of them have flourished, excelled, and connived their ways to the top of the career ladder where they sit smugly, like queen bees, with no value for anyone else.
At the end of the day, they will have their careers, but practically nothing else. Picture the kind of woman who makes a practice of unkindness, revels in being vindictive, and whose conscience is hardened against the people she is stepping over to get to the top...such behavior does not confine itself to the 9 to 5 day without affecting the rest of the person. This is not the kind of woman who can comfortably and consistently tolerate being the affectionate wife, the attentive mother, the selfless friend. Marriages crumble, or at least go stale, children grow up and grow apart, and the kind of friends--true friends--that are worth keeping tend to see through the facade and choose to sow their sisterly seeds of affection in more promising ground.
Don't allow such women to have power over you by dominating your thoughts and manipulating your feelings. They deserve no such regard. Instead of reflecting on the things they have said about what a horrible failure you are, turn your ear to the associate, friend, or family member who "thinks you hung the moon." I would rather have my self-perception defined by someone who sees my worth, than someone who thinks she is the only worthy one on the planet.
We all have the same number of minutes in a day. Resolve not to waste any of them listening to the rubbish the mean girl is dishing out all day, in so much abundance that it certainly must not have any value. I'm reminded of the awful gruel being served to the orphans in Oliver Twist--dripping, steaming, slop. But the children were so hungry, they begged for more. They had no choice, but you do. Don't fill up on the gruel. You DO deserve better.
Go ahead. Refuse the emotional slop being served up by the office bully, and join your real friends at another table, where there are plenty of good thoughts and words to nourish your spirit. Fill up there, instead, and you won't have room for the cruel nonsense the mean girls are dishing out. No matter whose girl gang is running the lunchroom, you still get choose what to consume. For you own good, choose wisely.
Excuse me while I get technical for a moment. I'm not a statistician, but, after many years of government work, you learn to break these things down. We can most likely account for the increase by the broadening of the definition of bullying. While physical attacks comprise a smaller section of the overall problem with adults, there are far more opportunities for psychological torment and sabotage. Ah, the sabotage! It's horrifying enough to get thrown under the bus when things don't go well, but the pressure of having to watch your back every moment, because even the things you've done right could be twisted and spun into something you never intended--all because of jealousy, insecurity, or just plain meanness. We did not leave all the mean girls behind in high school. Many of them have flourished, excelled, and connived their ways to the top of the career ladder where they sit smugly, like queen bees, with no value for anyone else.
At the end of the day, they will have their careers, but practically nothing else. Picture the kind of woman who makes a practice of unkindness, revels in being vindictive, and whose conscience is hardened against the people she is stepping over to get to the top...such behavior does not confine itself to the 9 to 5 day without affecting the rest of the person. This is not the kind of woman who can comfortably and consistently tolerate being the affectionate wife, the attentive mother, the selfless friend. Marriages crumble, or at least go stale, children grow up and grow apart, and the kind of friends--true friends--that are worth keeping tend to see through the facade and choose to sow their sisterly seeds of affection in more promising ground.
Don't allow such women to have power over you by dominating your thoughts and manipulating your feelings. They deserve no such regard. Instead of reflecting on the things they have said about what a horrible failure you are, turn your ear to the associate, friend, or family member who "thinks you hung the moon." I would rather have my self-perception defined by someone who sees my worth, than someone who thinks she is the only worthy one on the planet.
We all have the same number of minutes in a day. Resolve not to waste any of them listening to the rubbish the mean girl is dishing out all day, in so much abundance that it certainly must not have any value. I'm reminded of the awful gruel being served to the orphans in Oliver Twist--dripping, steaming, slop. But the children were so hungry, they begged for more. They had no choice, but you do. Don't fill up on the gruel. You DO deserve better.
Go ahead. Refuse the emotional slop being served up by the office bully, and join your real friends at another table, where there are plenty of good thoughts and words to nourish your spirit. Fill up there, instead, and you won't have room for the cruel nonsense the mean girls are dishing out. No matter whose girl gang is running the lunchroom, you still get choose what to consume. For you own good, choose wisely.
A person who is full refuses honey, but even bitter food tastes sweet to the hungry.
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