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Role Reversal

Today is my mom's birthday. We used to celebrate ours together before she passed away in 2007 (mine is on the 1st), so things have changed for me--I feel differently about my birthday than before, but I'm not writing about this to open old wounds or question why death happens.

I have so many great memories, and so many personal attributes to her credit. She was a great mom--she was a working mom, too. It occurs to me that, looking back, I don't feel as if I were deprived of anything because of that. True, she stayed home with us when we were little, but she worked hard most of her life, and still had time for late night talks and early morning Bible-reading, hosting impromptu gatherings with our friends, and cooking many a satisfying soul-food meal. She had time to teach me to cook all the important staples--from biscuits and gravy to tacos, beans and rice. She set the example of fortitude and joy through numerous challenges, and I learned, by watching and listening, to do the same.

All the time, she was teaching me to lean on God's goodness, even when things were awful at work. I had to learn to stop leaning on her, and truly begin to lean on God when she was taken from me.

Things often were really, really awful at work, for her. She spent her whole career in retail, where competition and quotas multiply the pressure and drama, and yet she still sang in the kitchen while cooking us dinner. In my teens, I was shocked to find out that mean girls could be in their 40's, 50's and 60's! She loved to laugh at the end of the day about her encounters with them---she could be uber-friendly in a way that seriously irritated those women. Not that it was fake--they were all aware she was laying it on thick, so to speak, killing them with kindness when they had zero expectations of any kind of courtesy. It was her way of showing them--pretty effectively--that she was not going to let them beat her down. I listened and learned.

Fast forward--now it's a role reversal. I'm the one teaching my daughter to cook, how to rise above challenges with her peers, and pursue her dreams. Now, I like to share my birthday celebration with my son, whose b-day falls exactly one week after mine. I get to be the mom, instead of the daughter. It's the hardest job ever, yet it's full of pleasures and joys I could never comprehend as a child.

Honor your mom--or your mother figure--by stepping up into the ultimate leadership role. Shove aside the junk the mean girls are trying to clutter your life with, and recognize that it's NOT a career-killer to have your priorities straight. You're a wife and mother first, then a career woman. Invest your time and energy in your children, and know that your value with them is far above anything a job could ever give you. Keeping things in order will leave you feeling more secure and satisfied than any promotion or raise--and it will last longer. It's OK to love your job and excel at it--just be sure you aren't forgetting to love those who will love you back.

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