Thriving...in Spite of It

Today, while conducting a training session on leadership for some teen girls, I found myself talking about experiences at my old job.  Relaxed, happy, and enjoying life, how far removed I am today from the stomach-knotting, headache-inducing days in that torturous job.  If you have ever worked for a bully, you know what I'm talking about. That being said, I must confess that I was able to say that I have no regrets about the experience. I suffered much, but learned more, and the things that hurt me the most made me stronger and more aware of myself and others.  I was teaching from Titus 3:1, where Paul was giving instructions to be related to their church leaders. " Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work,  to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men." The word teaches us that obedience and respect are not subject to change, based on our  circumstances or en...

It's been too long since I posted anything--my apologies.  After one of my dearest friends finally retired and escaped from my old toxic workplace, I have decided to resume this blog. It seems an overwhelming number of women I know are trapped in similar situations, either at work or at home, daily struggling to maintain their identities in Christ---and dignity--while wading through swamps of deceit and degradation.  After four years of meeting new people AND new challenges, I've found there is a great, big, beautiful, amazing world outside of the foxhole in which I was trapped.  When you are living your life on the defensive, it's impossible to grow and develop into the woman God intended you to be.  There's just no room for that in a foxhole. If someone is telling you you're inadequate, incompetent, and making you feel worthless, you need to recognize that you are not being cultivated at work, or appreciated--you are being bullied. What I NOW know is that t...

I work with a group of teenage girls on a weekly basis in a minstry called The Ladies of Honor, and we recently gave them an opportunity to submit random questions for discussion.  One of them was "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Bad things happen at work.  Bad things happen to families.  Bad things happen to communities.  The truth of the matter is, bad things just happen. In the course of trying to sort out my mother's untimely death, I found myself bombarded with this question, from the inside, and the outside.  It's too easy to say we just can't question God, and we know this by reading the book of Job, but I did find some consolation there.  Job 37:23 says "Touching the Almighty, we cannot find him out: he is excellent in power, and in judgment, and in plenty of justice: he will not afflict.." We cannot find him out. Years ago, my cousin lost her beautiful baby girl to crib death.  Trying to console her as she questioned why, I...

You've often heard (and even said) "What goes around, comes around," but sometimes it seems like an awfully long time for the good things and the bad things to come full circle. Are you watching, and waiting, to cheer when the person at work who has been so unkind to you gets his or her payback?  There's no more certain way to lose focus, becuase if you're looking for revenge, you're looking behind you, instead of ahead. I know this sounds trite, but the truth is often more obvious than we care to recognize.  We want to think it's something profound, obscure, not easily detected, but Proverbs tells us that wisdom cries out from her doorway to all the simpletons passing by, won't you come in? A friend of mine, when she should have been enjoying her accolades, was the target of a personal attack by one of her coworkers.  She deserved the "employee of the month" distinction very well, yet someone who was jealous was determined to discredit h...

Yet another dear friend of mine left his toxic workplace behind today.  I know letting go is hard, but, SO many times, the things we are actually forced to do are often best for us. I think it took me about a year to "detox" from that place----all the intimidation, the pressure, and mortification that everyday brought...it can take a toll on you! I wish you well, my friend, and hope that you FINALLY get to find the things that make you happy. Being forced to leave a job has to be one of the most degrading things that can happen to a person.  When discipline is used, not to teach, but to punish and humiliate, it completely deviates from its intent.  Today, I'm talking to anyone out there who has been subjected to workplace bullying that comes down the chain of command. People that have achieved greatness know that we, as individuals, are not defined by what others think of us. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that "No one can make you feel inferior without your cons...

As working women, we wear a LOT of hats, so to speak.  When I rolled out of bed this morning, I wasn't sure which one to reach for, but I sure needed some kind of hat! Out of habit--one of my good ones--I picked up my iPad and plopped onto the couch with a cup of coffee, opening up my Bible app (plopped down softly, I should add, since I had no desire to wake the dog yet)... Reading the daily Proverb really helps grease the wheels in my mind and spirit.  Today's Proverb begins with "The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion."  This struck me as being SO appropriate for Day 2 of our revitalization process.  As soon as I read it, I thought about my horrible habit of procrastination, my inclination to be introverted, my reluctance to face daily challenges...what am I afraid of? What is it in my psyche that cowers from the spotlight?  I absolutely hate to do anything to draw attention to myself--I'm totally happ...

DAY ONE: Coming back from your wit's end Remember the half-real, half-psychosomatic tummy ache you used to get on school days when you had a big test, a teacher that hated you, or a bully that wouldn't leave you alone? Here you are, all grown up, and thinking about going to work brings back that same knot in your gut --and it's not something you've just made up to avoid earning a living--it's the result of realizing the impact of all things you have to face today.  The negative attitudes, apathy, indecency, selfishness, deception, and downright cruelty that absolutely turn your stomach. How can you possibly be expected to be happy, productive and successful in the middle of such a toxic environment?  In the middle of a workplace like that---full of duplicity and double-standards--I somehow found the peace, strength, and capability to rise above it and become stronger, wiser and happier, in spite of it, and I want to share what I have learned. You were not des...