Thriving...in Spite of It

Today is my mom's birthday. We used to celebrate ours together before she passed away in 2007 (mine is on the 1st), so things have changed for me--I feel differently about my birthday than before, but I'm not writing about this to open old wounds or question why death happens. I have so many great memories, and so many personal attributes to her credit. She was a great mom--she was a working mom, too. It occurs to me that, looking back, I don't feel as if I were deprived of anything because of that. True, she stayed home with us when we were little, but she worked hard most of her life, and still had time for late night talks and early morning Bible-reading, hosting impromptu gatherings with our friends, and cooking many a satisfying soul-food meal. She had time to teach me to cook all the important staples--from biscuits and gravy to tacos, beans and rice. She set the example of fortitude and joy through numerous challenges, and I learned, by watching and listening, to d...

I just read a news post that absolutely did NOT astonish me--a report by NBC news that 52% of women report being bullied in the workplace. Sadly, this is higher than the teenage bullying rate (about 30%, according to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center ). A sustained rate continuing through adulthood would be shameful enough, but the fact that we are more likely to experience bullying as grown-ups at work does not speak well of our upbringing, does it, ladies? Excuse me while I get technical for a moment. I'm not a statistician, but, after many years of government work, you learn to break these things down. We can most likely account for the increase by the broadening of the definition of bullying. While physical attacks comprise a smaller section of the overall problem with adults, there are far more opportunities for psychological torment and sabotage. Ah, the sabotage! It's horrifying enough to get thrown under the bus when things don't go well, but...

The other day, while rummaging through my closet for the ever-elusive "other shoe," I found a box full of things I brought home from my office when I retired. There it was -- the book she gave, as a parting gift -- "Oh, the Places You Will Go!" "Yes, gladly out the door, I thought."  It was trendy at the time for mentors to make symbolic gifts of this inspirational Dr. Seuss book. I'm not sure if I hate the sight of it because it was so trite at the time, or because I still have a little twinge of un-forgiveness for the many other thing she gave me --self-doubt, nerve-racking days, and sleepless nights. I really need to get over that. Something rather earth-shattering occurred to me this morning, as I prayed and thanked God for His goodness. As humans, even as good, "God-fearing" people, we often make mistakes. We hurt people unintentionally deeply--without even knowing it.  If we, who are well-meaning, and generally kind, can sometimes un...

So, you made it through Monday, presumably... How many days have we wished away, that could have been significant in our life--or the life of another--if we had only "exerted ourselves," as Jane Austen so beautifully described it? So many things we know we should do--yet we don't. Yesterday, my husband traveled hundreds of miles for a 30-minute funeral, but I had encouraged him to go. It was important to the family, overall, but especially meaningful to the immediate family of his great uncle, who passed away.  Many times in our lives, we have these opportunities. Sometimes we take them; sometimes we do not. I have found that I always regret NOT going, rather than the reverse. It made me think -- it's time to look at our social and familial obligations in a different way. Once I read something written by a life coach who encouraged the philosophy of taking each day more deliberately--especially in the way we verbalize it. Instead of "I have to go to the st...

(Minor spoiler alert, but I won't reveal much detail) I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the latest Hunger Games movie with my daughter this week. Of course, as a nervous snacker, I always eat way too much popcorn, and find myself in desperate need of Excedrin, Alka-Seltzer and a massage afterwards...the price of being drawn in! I can't help being enthralled by the courage and tenacity of Katniss--though she struggled with emotions, her ultimate decision was always to stay true to her values, even in the face of death. It is easy to draw parallels to our own situations. Though the threats are less extreme, we can easily identify with the fear, loneliness and loss that come with the sacrifices of leadership. At the time, I was particularly moved by the scene where Katniss and her comrades are sitting next to a beautiful river, splitting rations and enjoying the peaceful scene. While the Mockingjays whistled through the lush cavern, her friends asked her to sing--in a way she coul...

Enjoying the company of my amazing 16-year-old daughter at a camp retreat recently. The richness of our relationship now outweighs everything I missed when she was little and I was working mom.  Looking around at the women I know with mountains of to-do's for Thanksgiving day, I wonder that a day intended for enjoyment could become so exhausting. Are we overcompensating? Being a working mother creates many challenges, but I think the number one issue is guilt. I missed my baby's first words, first steps, and all those things that make motherhood so wonderful, because I had to work.  It still bothers me, even though I was blessed enough to retire early to enjoy their teenage years with full force, volunteering at the school, going on field trips, and being there to facilitate lots of get-togethers and outings with friends. In the early years, however, because I was away at work every day, I found myself overextended, over-scheduled, and exhausted from trying to be supe...

Every day, we set out to follow someone or something, we will be led in the right direction. We follow a mentor, follow our instincts, follow the crowd...Whether your journey leads you to follow the yellow brick road to home, or follow the rainbow to the pot of gold, it's a path of faith, with the outcome dependent upon your perceptions of the best way to get there.   I stumbled upon an old legend about a French monastery known throughout Europe for the extraordinary leadership of a man known only as Brother Leo. Chasing down the legendary leader in hopes that he would impart some of his gift of wisdom, several monks began a pilgrimage to visit Brother Leo. Traveling together, their group dynamics led to some conflicts, as is always the case. Who would fetch water? Who would build the fire? Who would cook and serve? This was a group sadly in need of a leadership workshop. They were missing the key to leadership, and conflict would rise at every corner. On the third day the...